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So yesterday I began down a long unreasonable journey that will realistically never end. I can sit here and debate semantics for hours upon hours with a devil’s advocate or with myself and still be no better off than when I started. But that’s why philosophy exists. I am simply putting madness on paper.

I am advocating existentialism. I am an existentialist gunslinger; a trigger happy philosopher. I believe in understanding everything, even if it is nothing and I believe nothing is everything.

These thoughts, however valuable they may be for me, are in actuality extremely worthless. They are fleeting and fragile and except for the moment in which they occur, hold no real weight. I think of millions of thoughts per day, each one seeming to be more pronounced and developed than the prior. I don’t really understand all of my own thoughts, but I enjoy the challenge.

My point is that while we may put so much stock and weight into our own thoughts and beliefs, they are only ours, and to the rest of the world they hold little to no currency, so there is no progression. Actions are the best way to get a reaction, positive or negative, because something is done, something that has effects and results.

How insecure we all Are.

As time passes, we apparently realize our insignificance and adjust our lifestyles. I think that’s the plan anyway. We see our true effect on the outside world, and for the most part realize that it amounts to very, very little. I am referring to ‘us,’ humans beings, as a collective group, so that’s where my use of ‘we’ comes from. I understand that we aren’t all the same, and cannot be generalized or rationalized, and while many of you are shaking your head and saying to yourself that this is impossible, we cannot, in actuality we can be as such. We are all predictable and understandable and generally despicable creatures.

Now my point is to direct your attention to the fact that humanity will not change. No amounts of money, movies or advertisements will decrease the human desire to embrace the ‘dark side,’ if you will. On the other hand though, there is also no solution to the human desire to embrace the ideas that go against the grain. These subcultures rule our existence. We relish opportunities to be individuals despite any obvious harm it may do to society or to ourselves. Tattoos, cigarettes, drugs, alcohol.. these are all evidences of harm done to ourselves by our desire to be our own persons.

What is interesting to me, though, is how easy it is for an person to be dragged into this subculture of masochism and feel no urge to remove themselves from harm’s way. For me, I have always wanted to become successful in order to avoid falling into this cycle, and I have always been a firm believer that everyone in existence has the same opportunities that any other human being has. There are many negative arguments to this statement, but the fact of the matter is, if you want something badly enough, money, an education, material goods, you will do whatever necessary to obtain said items.

Part II is on the way.

Federal Reserve Note

I’m tired of working so much. I’m tired of being tired. I’m tired of being poor!!!

I feel refreshed though, in a way. I am trying to help Jason (my brother) get prepared to move down here so that when he is here, the shellshock might have abated.

I really like the Death Cab for Cutie CD, called Narrow Stairs.. I like the last two songs, and the song ‘I Will Possess Your Heart.” Very interesting.

Also, I have become interested in obtaining DVD copies of the old TV shows on Nickelodeon, called ‘All That,’ and ‘Are You Afraid of the Dark.’

Today is Saturday, and of course Tomorrow is Sunday. Football Day and R&R day.

Adios!

“By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.”
-Benjamin Franklin

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Weather for Bryan, TX

61°F

Current: Partly Cloudy
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Humidity: 79%

This weekend Elissa and I traveled to the great city of North Richland Hills, Texas, to visit the place where I grew up. We had a lot of fun, I think, with my friends and family.

I am also trying to get my brother situated enough to where he feels comfortable with living in College Station, and going to school as well.

I have also read the first two books of the Dark Tower Series, by Stephen King. Talk about mind melting…

The Dark Tower

More to come later.

Save Me!

Someone asked me to describe my personality in a musical genre.

I finally have an answer: I am Post-Rock.

 

Rock instrumentation for Non-Rock purposes..

Think about what musical genre YOU are..

 

Jon Gordon likes this.

Today was such a drainer of a day.

First of all I wake up, and Elissa’s car has been towed, even though she parked right next to visitor’s parking, literally a spot away. Ridiculous. I am able to get her to school, find out that the total for the car is 118.30, and go to my own classes. We plan to have me pick her up and go get her car.

Well as soon as my classes get done, I am strolling out to my car, which by some miracle, doesn’t start. Great. So her roommate drives her to my car, picks me up, and we drive out to nowhere to pay the Tow Truck company. They get paid, by the way, to steal people’s cars.. just a thought. I am then able to buy a new battery and install it myself. As a result of the dead battery, my stereo has entered ‘lockdown mode,’ and now requires a password, one of which I have never set or known existed. SO after about an hour of research and development, I was luckily able to unlock my stereo.

Now it’s 11:00, and I am exhausted.

Tenacious: holding fast.

Siren Noises

So today I was working, and while I do hate my job for various reasons, I enjoy a few aspects of it.

1. I (for the most part) enjoy the people I work with.

2. I like the money

3. I enjoy the challenge and I enjoy the rewards.

4. I enjoy seeing diversity.

 

Today a transvestite (and I don’t know if that is politically correct, that’s just the term I know) came into my restaurant, and it was plainly and painfully obvious that this person was uncomfortable, because of the unwanted attention. It occurred to me that if this person was not comfortable as a man, thus prompting the change to a woman, and this person was also not comfortable as a woman, then what was the point of the change? I mean, if there is no forward progress with yourself as a person and with your acceptance of who you are as a person with regards to the outside world, then in my humble opinion it wouldn’t be worth the trouble. I am not an expert on this subject, by any means, and all I can do is just transcribe what I would feel in this situation. Please understand that I am not degrading or trying to belittle anyone, but trying to understand the world around me.

 

In other unrelated news, I want to study abroad. I really really want to. I want to travel to Europe very badly. It is one of my life goals. To study Europe and live there at the same time would be very rewarding for me.

More to come.

 

“If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things.”
-Rene Descartes

 

The smell of wine and cheap perfume

So Halloween is tonight…

But we started celebrating last night!!

 

 

I had fun! And tonight I get to do it all over again!!

Anyway I have stuff to do, adios.

Episode II: The Payroll strikes back

The last time I wrote in this online journal it was February.

It is now October, and borderline November.

In between I have seen many things, and experienced almost every emotion on the spectrum of emotions. I have learned a little bit about a lot of things.

I experienced heartbreak, and I experienced joy. Two opposite emotions, but ultimately destined to go hand in hand. I think that this is because we do not truly appreciate either of the two until we have been through both. And then we forget about both of them.

I traveled, and made new friends. I went to Colorado, and really found out once again how insignificant I am.  I made that 14 hour drive in 9, with a 2 hour break. I really enjoyed my time there. I also spent most of that time wishing I was somewhere else. That was a mistake. I spent too much time wondering why things weren’t the way I wanted them to be, and that also was a mistake. I have accepted the past as the past, and what happened will always stay that way.

I moved into a new apartment, with new roommates. We seem to view ourselves as the kings of the world we live in. A time ago, that was true, but now we have been usurped by a younger, more hip crowd.

It is now Halloween, and I have decided to present myself as Flava Flav this weekend.

there might be pictures.

There will be more of my adventures to come

 

“The significance of man is that he is insignificant and is aware of it.”

-Carl Becker

Extreme Danger: Very Flammable

ha ok so I wanted to share with you a picture I recieved as an email :

who knew it was so easy? and how do you know I’m broke?

I am so happy lately I just keep smiling and being unusually nice to people. Weird.

Also! I am excited for this weekend.

I think I am changing my major from Education to Business Administration.. I dont want to be a teach for the rest of my life – you know? I want to have option.. lots of them.

Anyway I’m out for now.. gonna go check the mail box.. aka pack my luggage and take the next flight to the mailbox. (cause its so far away)